Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML […]

Today, I had to work late. I missed the last bus so I called a cab. That was 3 hours ago. I called my dad for a ride. That was 2 hours ago. I guess I'm sleeping under my desk tonight. FML […]

Today, I went to the gas station, paid the clerk, and drove off without pumping any gas. FML […]

Today, my parents had a long discussion on whether a cut on my arm looked like a vagina. FML […]

Today, I was apparently tired enough to spray silly string under my armpits rather than deodorant. FML […]

Today, I admitted my fear of small spaces to my boyfriend. His response was to immediately lock me in the hall closet. FML […]

Today, I had a swollen knee, and was slowly limping to the toilet. All of a sudden, my mom ran past me, beating me to it. As she closed the door, she said, "AT LEAST I CAN RUN!" FML […]

Today, I cut my finger with a knife while cooking. I work in a hospital and have to use hand disinfectant at least every twenty minutes. It hurts badly. I have to work for eight hours. FML […]

Today, I had my first chorus concert. We got a bigger applause when we left the stage than when we sang. FML […]

Today, I passed out in the shower with my boyfriend. He just left me there. FML […]